Perfectly Imperfect. Baron Baptiste
I picked a paragraph from this book for an assignment for my vinyasa teacher training. What I am sharing with you today is a reflection about a quote from the book. I highly recommend this book, especially if you are passing through a lack of motivation in your practice you are living the effects of the saturation of information related to yoga and social media, this book can be a connection with a faraway teacher and can inspire you to connect with the essence of the yoga practice. We all need some guidance.
“There is a difference between accepting where you are and making excuses for hanging back. But really you know when you are making up a story and resisting. Again just be straight to yourself here without judgment"..
This paragraph from the book to me is related with one of the biggest things I have to deal with my yoga practice and in life. Moments where all my fears took over and prohibit me from being who I am. I start resisting to live some things because I was listening more to others or to society or establishments and also ideas I invented from myself that they were not all the time true.
A big part of my life I wanted something that has anything to do with me, almost like being someone else, for example, I was craving another body, more flexibility, and talent to be a “better dancer”.
When I started a dance carrier on a professional level things were not connecting in my head, why something that I enjoy so much can be so full of competition and tremendous pain, sacrifice even though I was enjoying the act of moving. My whole auto image o proprioception was full of judgments, even prior to doing something. After years listening to my teacher’s corrections and the way they express to me about my body I just started believing I was not good enough. One day a teacher put me in front of the class and use me us an example to show how curve was my thoracic spine was. In that moment of my life, I was experiencing grieve, so I was in full pain. Now I think about it and it is obvious that the pain, the sadness was going to be reflected in my body. That day I couldn’t hold it and I explode in tears, I just hated her, because she exposed my body and myself so much that I felt ridiculed and ashamed of my body. I never went back to her class again. And it took me years of therapy and a lot of yoga practice to learn and accept my body just how it is after so long listening to others.
The good thing is that I moved forward, I stopped dancing for a long time but I never stop my yoga practice because I felt that space was sacred, intimate and I could be myself. I rarely went back to public classes, I was for many years practicing in my house by my own, I was not comparing myself to anyone but I also didn’t let anyone interfere too much in my practice or what I was experimenting, it started to feel again slowly, I didn’t need an opinion.
When I started teaching yoga I prepared myself so much but I was feeling a big grade of insecurity about my body and my capability’s because coming from this background of competition that was always contaminating my practice with this idea of perfection and achievement stuck in my mind. Until one day, I learned from my books and yoga teachers, something clicked in my brain and I discovered my inner teacher, what I started calling my best friend, a part of me that was much more humble, a voice that I use to treat myself differently, accepting, letting go and moving forward to be who I really am in the moment. This idea I did not only take to my practice, I let it resonate outside the mat, and I observed it until today.
After integrating this into my practice I can even go deeper inside me like discovering new layers of myself, a beautiful journey in where I understood how much yoga has taught me, because my practice became a reflection of who I am like a mirror with a tremendous amount of honesty, so true that was almost scary! All these psychological elements of my practice had so much interference in my body, that union of connection body mind, spirit, was definitely a game changer to me when I solved the things on my mind the whole yoga and life experience changed too. Sometimes that conversation it is impossible to shut up, but I am willing to accept that too with no judgment because finally doesn’t matter what we do, is from what place we experience the practice and life, living the stories behind to live reality as it is.